Lattes and Laughs: On the laughable linguistics of little ones, and other life lessons learned.

‘A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones’ Proverbs 22:17


Kids are so funny. One of the things I love about having children, is that they are a constant source of entertainment, 24-7. You don’t even have to go to the movies, or watch a comedy on the telly. When they say and do the funniest things, it’s like living a real life sit-com. I wanted to keep a log of some of the more humorous things they say, and update it periodically. Especially their ‘laughable linguistics’. It might be good amunition for their 21st’s. Kids are so honest, and we can learn from them by looking at life through the eyes of a child. My middle child is particularly talented in the tantrum department, and I’m talking about Oscar worthy performances.  When she was having a mini meltdown the other day, I mirrored exactly what she was doing, from the foot stamping, to the yelling, and it dissolved the tantrum. She folded into laughter. I don’t quite have the audacity to try this in public mind you! She said to me the other day – ‘Sorry Mummy for tantruming’. How sweet.

I think God has a sense of humour. After all, He must look down on some of us and have a good old chuckle. And we are created in God’s image. We need to be a people of balance, who know when it is time to be sombre and serious, and when it is time to laugh. And some of us like myself, need to take ourselves far less seriously. As it says in Ecclesiastes 3: 4 -‘There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.’ Laughter is God’s medicine bottle.

Here is a selection of the funny random ramblings or antics from my children over the years.

Google is great, you can find out answers to things so quickly and easily. Here is my personal favourite from Master Six. He didn’t know the answer to something and said ‘I’ll look it up on google, as google knows everything’. Me: ‘Only God knows everything’. Master Six: ‘No google knows everything’, Me: ‘No only God knows everything’. Master Six: ‘Oh alright then, (slightly exasperated) google AND God know everything’. Lol.

Miss Three is learning Te Reo Maori at kindergarten. Which is fantastic, but sometimes she uses it against me. ‘If you don’t do this Mummy, I’ll punch you in the waewae’. I haven’t studied te reo since school and while I though that ‘waewae’ may mean bottom, in fact it actually means legs. Seeing Miss Three perform the haka is also very amusing.

At the dinner table one night. Me: ‘You have to eat at least as many beans as your age.’ Master Six: ‘Well you’ll be eating lots of beans then aye Mum.’. Thinking to myself: Hmmm, maybe that rule should only apply to children. Cheeky boy.

Miss Three – on looking at one of our wedding photos in our lounge ‘Who are those people? Oh that’s Mummy, she looks like a princess…and Daddy, you look like an insect.’ Lol.

I’ve always considered myself to be reasonably competent in the dressing department. But who needs Trinny and Susannah or Gok, when you have a three year old fashionista, who is your very own personal clothing consultant, available on hand for daily consultation and support. Such as, ‘Mummy, I really think you should wear the black shoes, not the yellow shoes, as they match your skirt’. What would I do without her.

And the holiday antics of kids – one day I looked away for a minute and discovered that Master Five had ‘decorated’ his sister’s head with draught excluder tape (which is designed to be a permanent adhesive). Apparently it is a princess crown. So she had a permanent headband until I can worked out how to remove it without hurting her. It didna’t bother her thankfully.


One one lovely hot day I discovered my two eldest children after school helping themselves to cold beer from the refrigerator. Thankfully I discovered them before they sampled it. I then had to hide their Dad’s home brew. Come home from school on a hot day and pour yourself a nice cold one, as you do, and one for your three year old sister. Um, I don’t think so, you are six years old!

When our second child was a newborn we were living right on a river in a small town for several months. We had a moses basket for her, to which Master then Three commented with a worried look on his face ‘You’re not going to put her in the river are you Mum?’

At the dinner table one night, Master Six proudly demonstrated that he can fit 46 green peas in his mouth at one time, before eating them. We checked on google to see what the world record is for the number of peas held in someone’s mouth but can’t seem to find such a record. He wants to start a new world record. Lol.

One night I went into the girls room expecting them to be asleep and there was a little purple princess baking me a cake, and cracking real eggs into a cake tin! Hmmm, think it might be time for a kiddy lock on the fridge. Lol.

And the time when in the middle of the night, I heard some rustlings in the kitchen. I got up to investigate, and found a little purple fairy sitting up in the pantry proceeding to make herself a jam sandwich. It was 2 am.

I said to Master then Four one day ‘Do you have a stop button?’ & he replied ‘No, but I do have brakes’ Lol.

And this one, from a friend’s little boy. He came home from school and, talking about the new girl in his class, commented ‘Paula doesn’t speak English, she speaks ‘Peach’, that’s her language.’ ‘Peach?’ his mother said, rather puzzled. Then she worked out that the little girl spoke madarin. He had got the wrong language.

Who could forget their bedtime prayers. ‘Thank you God for Mum, Dad, tomato sauce and kindy’. The important things in life.

And oh the joys of toddlers. One day I discovered Miss almost two trying to wash her hair in the toilet. I guess that’s one way of strengthening one’s immune system. And another tip I have learned from my one year old – don’t dip your toothbrush in the toilet and then brush your teeth. My mental note to self: must remember to keep the bathroom door shut. 

‘He will fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting’ Job 8:21



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